JOHN'S WORLD OF AUTISM

Our New Baby

By John Crawford

It's almost not fair, you come into world naked, wet, and upside down. Then you spend the rest of your life clothed, dry, and standing upright. That obscure fact hit me while watching my daughter be born just last week.

When I started John's World Of Autism, I had big plans to write about all the funny things that have happened over the years, the family struggles, and all the memories. As time went on, it became obvious that some things were too personal, too embarrassing, or just not something you share with the rest of the planet. When I watched little Ashley come out and begin to cry for the first time, it was a moment that is smply not explainable. Anyone who has had the honor of watching their own child be born can relate to this. I want to share our story.

At 42 and 43 years old, My wife and I had long forgot what it's like to have a newborn around. And although we have older children ages 16-20, there's no prospect of having grandchildren in the forseeable furture.

Our biggest concern when we discovered we were gonna have another child was how would John, our 20 year old autistic son, react. During the pregnancy he had no reaction that we could tell. But his life has been interrupted now that his newest little sister has arrived. We opted to keep John at home with his younger brother (vice sending to school) during  birthing process. This was a first for all of us, and we were not sure how he would act or behave at home alone with his 18 year old brother.

But let's go back to the beginning and trace Ashley's steps. I got a call one morning on my way to work. It was very early, before 6:00 AM. I thought maybe my wife was calling to tell me that John was not gonna make it to school and I needed to call the bus and let them know. To my surprise she told me that her pregnancy test was positive. Now, I'm thinking "what pregnancy test?".  She would soon fill me in on the details. Meanwhile I'm driving at dawn on a spring morning, not quite light and too many deer on the road. And my wife just dropped a grenade in my lap.

Well, there are those life changing events that just need no explaining. You turn the page, turn the corner, take an exit to an alternate route, take a detour; whatever you want to call it, life will never be the same after that.

It was rough in the beginning, and for a time we thought we had lost her. A few weeks after we confirned we were expecting, I got another call on my way to work. My wife said she was having "complications". Since I work within walking distance of the hospital, I'm not sure if she drove herself or if I picked her up and took her to the emergency room, it's kind of a blur. We spent most of the day in the emergency room, and information was sketchy. They discharged her and scheduled a follow-up at Bethesda Naval Hospital for an ultrasound. Meanwhile they were telling us of a possible miscarriage. As you can guess this was unnerving, and stressful, not that we weren't already nervous and stressed about the idea of having another child.

Our family practice doctor gave us a sign of relief and confirmed the baby was still alive. But the ultrasound at Bethesda showed a spot on her head and they specualted that it could be something bad. Ok, we didn't need any more bad news. The prospects of having another handicapped child,  or worse - miscarrying or having a still-born baby was agonizing.

But there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Two weeks later the final analysis of the ultrasound came back clear. I wanted to cuss those people for wrapping us around an axle like that. We're not 20 years old like most of their patients, we have grown children, and we have been through some considerable stress with them. On top of that we spent 16 years traveling around in the military, packing up and moving every 2-3 years. Our life had started to have some stability in retirement. Nonetheless, we had bigger fish to fry, we didn't have time to complain about what had happened, we had bigger fish to fry. And anyone with children, especially handicapped children, knows you always have bigger fish to fry; you can't let the small things affect you else the big stuff will mow you down every time.

My wife felt fine, as fine as someone pregnant at 42 years old could feel, and settled into her normal routine. She even drove my other daughter to Knoxville, TN for a TaeKwonDo National Tournament in July. She rather enjoyted the drive and was more relaxing than being at home with the normal day-to-day druggery.

We began work on our house to make it more baby proof. John has done considerable damage to the floors and walls over the years so they needed fixing. My wife was a real trooper. I leave for work at 5:00 AM each morning, and she's up right after that getting John ready for school. And she was usually up all day and until 9:00 or 10:00 PM. She did stop her TaeKwonDo leassons, but we still shared the burden of taking our other daughter to classes 3-4 times a week. While my wife is not diabetic, she did have gestational diabetes. This meant she had to prick her finger 4 times a day and take a blood sugar reading.

During the last month of her pregnancy, they became concerned about her blood pressure so when she reached the 39th week they scheduled to induce labor. From the beginning I told them it would be born on a Sunday. After all, the other three kids were born on a Sunday, and this one would not deviate from that, that was my opinion. They would prove me wrong.

Our day started at 3:00 AM on Wednesday morning, we had to be at the labor and delivery ward at 5:30AM. We opted to leave John home with his younger brother. Sending him to school would mean going back home in the rain and fog, and hoping nothing happens with him while at school. And since we had to turn off our cellphones, leaving him at home was the better option.

They did all the pre-admit stuff, labs, etc, then started her on the Pitocin. Now, my wife does not have long labors. The longest was 6 hours with John.  The other two were born before the doctor could arrive. So I joked with them that this would all be over by noon. Unfortunately, it did not happen that day.  Because of her symptoms of Preeclampsia, they made her stay in the hospital, but stopped the Pitocin so she could rest without the contractions. They started again the next morning more aggressively, and it took until 2:56 PM  to get the results. Fortunately, most of the really bad pain didn't happen till the last couple of hours.

The horrifying part was there was nothing I could do to make things better for her. This is not like an injury or illness that a pill or shot can provide some relief. All I could do was hold her hand and be by her side. I prayed to God that he would give me her pain, just let me have her pain. But we know it's not meant to be that way.

Ashley is a normal healthy child; that's all I could ask of God and he has provided for us. On the flip side, it's a mad world out here with terrorism, crime, disease, and all the other socio-political issues. She was definately a motivated swimmer, born against great odds. But she is well, and she's my little girl! And for now, John seems to be OK with having her around.

About The Author

John Crawford is the father of 20 year old John (IV) who is autistic.